Tammy Rogers
When your company name is BecomeMore—you’re in the change business. And that’s a really great gig … most of the time.
You see, when we partner with people, teams, and organizations and support them as they level up, grow, and BecomeMore … that’s about expansion, trying new things, and pushing beyond the status quo. And that’s exciting and energizing.
Sometimes, however, there’s a very different reaction to organizational change. What may be exciting and energizing for the decision-makers (ie. Executive Leadership, the C-Suite, and their trusted advisors) can be a source of fear, frustration, and anxiety for their followers.
And maybe what’s happening in my life right now can shed some light on these two very different reactions to change.
I am extremely fortunate to still have both of my parents in my life. My folks are 89 and 92 years old. They retired more than 30 years ago and have been living their dream by spending their summers on Big Spirit Lake in Iowa and snow birding to sunny Florida for the winters. And just a few years ago my mom was still rollerblading and waterskiing, and my dad was cutting down trees, building decks, and putting new roofs on their garages.
I’m telling you: They were studly!
Things started to change 4 years ago, after my mom had back surgery. My mother stared to decline, my dad became the caregiver, and the kids (my brother, sister, and I) stepped in and provided additional support. We hired someone to clean their house, we put together a schedule so that one of us visited every month, and since food is our family’s love language, we cooked a lot of meals and stocked Mom and Dad’s freezer!
That strategy worked … until 6 weeks ago.
On October 17th Mom fell and fractured her L3 vertebrae. And while that injury is not life-threatening—it changed everything. Mom now needed assistance to stand up, walk, get dressed, and even feed herself, which meant she needed more care and support than my dad (even with our help) could provide.
I instantly went into my Trusted Advisor role and walked my dad through his options: Find a skilled nursing facility in:
- Spirit Lake (where they currently were)
- Des Moines (where I live)
- Indiana (where my brother and sister live)
- Florida (where Mom and Dad live in the winter)
And after talking through the options for a couple of hours, Dad decided to take Mom to a facility they had visited in Indiana the previous spring.
Great.
Decision made.
Once we got Mom to Indiana, we discovered that the facility Dad had chosen didn’t have openings for the kind of care that Mom now required. So, for 9 days the family did their best to provide the care Mom needed (at my brother’s home) while we searched for another option. Many, many calls later … Many facility visits later… And soooo many discussions later … a new facility was secured. And while the location was NOT ideal, my dad felt that it was a place where his wife would be safe, secure, and well-cared for.
Great.
Decision made.
The family moved Mom in on November 6. Then, 10 days later, Dad called and told me that he had decided to move Mom to a new facility… in Florida.
Decision made.
Not great. At least I didn’t think it was great decision.
And for the first time in a long while … I’m not the CEO and I’m not sitting in the C-Suite. That’s my parents’ role. Nor am I the trusted advisor—they didn’t ask for my opinion. In fact, I’m a follower and a decision has been made that I didn’t agree with. I don’t like this decision—not even one little bit. And, I realized that I was spitting, foot-stomping, down-right mad. Which is very unfamiliar territory for me.
Yep. And I found that the very person who advises others on change, often initiates change, and helps organization’s traverse change … was now RESISTING change. How ironic is that?
The day after I received this news, a client—who knew about my situation (and whom I was “supposed” to be supporting)—asked me a very insightful question: “What can you do now, to make the situation better?”
I wish I could say that I turned my attitude around right then. The truth of the matter is that I needed a couple more days to stomp my feet, vent my frustrations, and work through my emotions. And then I was able to step in, step up, and find ways to support my parents’ decision and add value to the journey my family was going through.
My mom will be moving into her new home in Florida on Monday. Her room will be freshly painted in colors that are familiar to her. She’ll have pillows and throws and the knick-knacks that she loves from her other homes. The walls will be filled with pictures of family. She’ll have a bird feeder just outside her window along with her bird identification book on a side table next to her favorite chair. She’ll have a desk with all of her markers, pencils, and coloring books.
And she’ll have a new, easy-to-use music box with 4 buttons to keep her company. One button will play only Barbra Streisand songs. A second button will play Christmas music. The third button will play mediation songs. And the last button will play her favorite hymns.
Yep. It took me a few days—and then I remembered the very message that we share with our clients who are going through change:
- Recognize that your leaders have carefully thought this through.
- It’s a journey. You’re going to experience different emotions. And it’s okay to express them. And you can help yourself through the process as you find ways to add value to the plan.
Mom. Dad. I found my way to add value. And I’m on board.
