Why the Growth Questions Are My New Go-To Conversation Starter

This week I was meeting with a coaching client who had a new boss. She was thinking ahead to her first update meeting with that leader and fretting about how to structure the encounter.

“What if you used the Growth Questions as your agenda?” I suggested. These three simple queries can cover a lot of ground, while also focusing a conversation on what’s most important.

What Are the Growth Questions?

When you use them thoughtfully, these deceptively short questions can inspire deep discussion and introspection.

-What went well?
-What didn’t go so well?
-What would I do differently?

What makes these so powerful? Starting with what went well forces you to focus on the good parts of whatever you’re reviewing—your week, a project, a tough conversation … . A lot of times we start our “evaluation” of a situation by talking about the failures. Starting with the good stuff hits a more productive note. It also ensures that you actually talk about the good stuff.

Once you’ve canvassed what went well, the second question gives you structure for talking about the things that didn’t go as well as you’d hoped. A lot of us naturally go here. We’re ready to criticize ourselves—or others—for sub-optimal results. But working this question into a series makes it feel like a natural part of the learning process. Not a chance to nit-pick, but instead a chance to normalize feedback.

Also, it can be helpful to put specific language to what happened. Instead of saying, “Well that was a disaster!” we’re challenged to break down the event into distinct actions or results.

And when we have precise descriptions of what didn’t go well, we’re ready for the real growth: What would I do differently? This final question turns an evaluation into a learning moment. It emphasizes that we will have the opportunity to do better next time. And we CAN do better, thanks to having worked through the Growth Questions.

When Can You Use the Growth Questions?

I find myself using this structure a lot. Obviously, it’s a key element of coaching. And at BecomeMore Group we use it as a staff meeting agenda. BecomeMore CEO Tammy Rogers and her husband go through the questions regularly when they discuss their family goals, finances, and plans.

In fact, St. Ignatius championed a similar activity that he called the Examen. Key elements of this prayer tradition are reviewing the day’s blessings and failures and praying about the next day. See the connection to the Growth Questions?

What would happen if instead of asking your kids “How was school today?” you asked them “What went well?” And “What didn’t go so well?” and “What would you do differently?” This shift digs a little deeper; it doesn’t let them off the hook with a quick “Fine.” as they grab a snack and disappear to their rooms. Even if you only get through the first question, you’ve likely had a more illuminating conversation than usual.

Here are a bunch of other thought-starters about when and where these three little questions might benefit you—at home and at work.

• In update meetings with your peers

• At the end of the day with your spouse

• As a Vacation recap

• In your holiday newsletter

• During a project debrief—for yourself or with your team

• At lunch with a friend

• When you need an employee to recognize their own behavior

Give It a Try

I challenge you to find one situation where you can use the Growth Questions tomorrow. And then report back about how it went! I want to know … What went well? What didn’t go well? What would you do differently?