Feedback is tough. Not very many of us are great at giving or getting it. Even after years of managing a creative team—where I gave feedback just about every hour of every day—I always worried whether I was striking the right balance between challenging folks to get better and complimenting their efforts.
Then I learned the two most powerful feedback words: What if.
Asking “What if …?” changes a feedback conversation from TELLING to EXPLORING. It helps diffuse defensiveness by posing a question. How could this be different? Would it be better if it was this or that way? The person receiving the feedback has the chance to explore their own thoughts, motivations, and rationalizations, and then devise a solution you both agree on.
The result is likely better than if you just told them what to do. Because it’s a collaboration.
Undoubtedly there are situations where there isn’t any wiggle room in the criticism. Egregious and illegal rule-breaking, for example, doesn’t warrant a conversation that starts with, “What if you stopped embezzling?” And you have to be careful that “What if …” isn’t sarcastic. As in: “What if you added this column of numbers correctly?”
But most of the work we do involves some level of interpretation, creativity, or innovation. And asking, “What if …?” is a great way to challenge the status quo without disapproval, condemnation, or blame.
Karman Hotchkiss
