“This could not be going any worse.”
Not the thought you want running through your head during your first big “at bat” with BecomeMore. But there I was, standing in front of one of the toughest rooms I’ve ever facilitated and I was losing it.
You know the feeling…you’ve prepared, you’ve reviewed your materials, you’ve thought through the timing, the activities, the transitions. And yet…it wasn’t working.
The energy is off. The discussion isn’t landing. Participants are staring back at you with disconnected and annoyed expressions. Activities that seemed engaging during planning feel forced in practice. Every question is met with silence or short responses.
As the minutes tick by, my perfectionist self (I like to call her Priscilla, she’s from the Quality Dept) is SCREAMING internally.
You should have anticipated this.
You should be doing better.
You’re losing credibility.
And the worst…you are failing.
Like many leaders, I have a tendency toward perfectionism. I want to deliver value. I want people to leave feeling energized and equipped. I want every workshop, meeting, and interaction to be impactful.
What I learned that day, however, is that perfectionism is the enemy of presence.
The more I focused on how the workshop should go according to plan, the less able I was to respond to what was actually happening in the room. To find the right questions to ask so I could connect with the room.
At BecomeMore, we often talk about “dancing in the moment.” It’s one of those concepts that sounds simple until you’re standing in front of a room full of people wondering if everything is falling apart.
Dancing in the moment means letting go of the need to rigidly follow the choreography and paying attention to what’s actually happening around you.
It means being willing to pivot.
It means asking better questions.
It means listening more than talking.
It means recognizing that the people in the room matter more than the agenda you created for them.
It’s one of the onboarding items that there really isn’t a training for – you just have to live it.
That workshop taught me some really crucial learning lessons, as uncomfortable as it was. It exposed a gap between facilitation as I imagined it and facilitation as it actually happens.
Real facilitation is messy. Real leadership is messy.
People don’t always respond the way we expect. Conversations go in unexpected directions. Energy shifts. Priorities change.
The question isn’t whether or not it will happen. The question is what we do when it does.
We can either stay the course and follow the plan as it runs off the tracks or we can stop, breathe and connect with the people in the room.
Perfect? No. Human? Yes. Impactful? In so many ways known and unknown.
A few weeks later, I had the opportunity to facilitate another workshop for a different client. Ironically, many of the same challenges appeared. Different organization. Different participants. Similar dynamics.
And yet, I got a completely different outcome.
I sent Priscillia on an unpaid vacation and focused on where the participants were. I adjusted activities. I changed discussion flow. I spent less time worrying about delivering content and more time creating connection. I got curious and asked a lot of questions.
Most importantly, I stopped trying to be perfect.
And
The result was one of the strongest workshops I’ve facilitated in my time with BecomeMore —because I stopped fighting the moment, and instead flowed in it.
The experience reminded me of something we often tell leaders: growth doesn’t happen when everything goes right. Growth happens when we encounter friction, uncertainty, and discomfort—and choose to stay in it.
Whether you’re facilitating a workshop, leading a team, managing a project, or navigating change, there will be moments when the plan stops working. There will be moments when you feel like you’re failing.
Those moments are invitations…listen, adapt, trust your experience. Dance in the moment.