Can Tension Build a Better Team?

Today one of my coaching clients taught me about a new-to-me psychological phenomenon: The Ben Franklin Effect. The idea behind this concept is that when we do a favor for someone, it makes us like them more.

Our discussion made me think about another lesson I recently learned about working with horses. To build a relationship with a horse, you have to be willing to get a little uncomfortable. If you stand safely on one side of the pen, and the horse stands safely doing its thing on the other side of the pen … the two of you will never develop any kind of connection. Getting closer, testing each other out … that’s how you build trust and create a relationship.

And today I realized this lesson can apply to teams as well. When you think about your work peers, how would you describe your interactions? Polite and cordial? Ride or die? Tempestuous?

Artificial Harmony

Through my work, I encounter lots of leadership teams that fit in the “polite and cordial” category. They work side-by-side, but at arm’s length. At first glance, they seem like an effective team because they aren’t arguing. But lack of overt conflict doesn’t really indicate that you’re a strong team. A lot of times we say teams like this are experiencing artificial harmony.

Artificial harmony looks good from the outside. But it’s superficial. These teams avoid conflict because they haven’t built the connections and tools that will allow them to work through conflict.

And when conflict comes, or when the organization hits a rough patch, the leaders don’t know how to work through it together. They don’t know how to negotiate with each other to come up with the best solutions for the overall organization. They have no experience with give-and-take or with trust or with forgiveness. Because they’ve been too invested in sticking to their own corner of the pen.

Growth Comes from Discomfort

I think that’s where my two recent lessons come in. Building better teams comes from learning to get uncomfortable. From gently challenging each other. From learning to professionally disagree. From being vulnerable by asking for help. From walking toward each other in conflict or need instead of hiding in our own corners.

This is easier for some people than others. My friends and coworkers with a Predictive Index profile of Maverick, for example, enjoy a little tension in the room. My own Guardian profile says I’m built to seek harmony. Maybe that’s why this idea of using conflict to build a stronger team is such an ah-ha to me.

We have to be willing and able to meet our colleagues with their and our tendencies in mind. But when we turn completely away from potential discomfort, we aren’t giving our relationships a chance to deepen.

Where are you hiding from your peers?

-Do you look the other way when they are having trouble with a process or a team member?

-Do you let them pursue professional mistakes without calling them out?

-Do you hide your own department’s challenges, afraid to be vulnerable?

-Do you sit quietly in leadership meetings when you disagree with something?

Team growth comes from working through conflict, not avoiding it. How could you lean in and build a better team by trusting in a little discomfort?