Are you in Task or Relationship?

Here's a blog post describing a horse experience at Natural Lifemanship, emphasizing connection over task:

The Gift of Presence: A Horse Experience at Natural Lifemanship

As I approached the horse arena, I could see three horses ready for our team and the Natural Lifemanship leaders ready to engage us in learning.  My role as one of the leaders of BecomeMore was to make sure the team engaged and learned.  Little did I know that I would have several "Ah-ha" moments.  One thing that many don't realize is our horse experience isn't saddling and trail riding.  At Natural Lifemanship, the focus is about forging a genuine connection with these magnificent creatures.

As I listened to Tim, Bettina and Tanner talk about building a relationship, putting pressure, matching the intensity of the horse and situation and being in the moment - in relationship not task.  I stepped aside and allowed the team to go first enjoying their moment, connecting (or thinking they connected), touching, being frustated, ignored or controlled by the horses.

The experience wasn't about "accomplishing" anything with the horses. It was about shedding the layers of our everyday lives – the anxieties, the to-do lists, the constant striving – and simply being present in the moment. It was a powerful reminder that true connection, whether with a horse or another human being, requires vulnerability, authenticity, and a willingness to let go of control.

When it was my turn, I walked into the pen remembering our lessons:

• Match the horses energy - check
• Be present - check
• Put pressure on their back left hip - check
• Connect with the horse - NOPE

SO I tried (several) times - and NOPE - and my first thought was what the F#%%$@ is wrong with this horse?  Of course if cannot be ME!!

The Ah-ha moment came - Tim simply asked - are you in task or relationship?

SHIT - it was me being in task...check, check, check dumbass went through my mind. 

As I let go, got in the moment and actually connected with the horse.  She was attentive to me...until I slipped into task and away she went.  Staying in the moment and being truly present was HARD, takes practice and is mentally tough.

2 key lessons continued to stick with me -

1. in the simplest terms, horses connect with you for 3 reasons, you to control them, them to control you or to be in relationship (and of course we got 1 of each horse in our experience 🤣😂 - a dose of our own learning medicine to drive the learning)
2. Are you in task or are you in relationship?

#2 continues to stick with me nearly everyday - during coaching, facilitating, personal relationships and realizing that we each have to do the work to be in the moment, build the mental muscle to be in relationship more.