Sometimes it's the Little Things

Sometimes it’s the little things that carry the most impact.

A few weeks ago, I was coaching a new leader who was trying to find the right words and approach for a conversation with one of his employees. It seemed to the leader that he would talk with this employee, layout expectations of a project, allow for questions, even have the employee explain the assignment as he understood it. Sounds perfect! Before long, the project would lag in the timeline or the amount of progress -- and, this had happened more than once.

Oh, boy. How many times have we all been there – either as the leader or the employee! The leader was extremely frustrated, didn’t understand what he was doing or not doing. He believed he was explaining very clearly. He believed he was giving every opportunity for the employee to ask for clarification. He wanted to go back to the employee and let him know he was behind on this project, and it needed to get done! (Of course, the employee already knew that.)

I asked the leader what he thought was getting in the way. Did he think the employee truly didn’t understand? Did the employee not have the needed skill? Did he not like the assignment so chose to work on something else? Or, did he not agree with the path?

The internet waves fell silent. I sat. The leader sat. Neither of us spoke, for what seemed like a very long time. Then, this leader said, “I don’t know.” Hmmm . . . yes. . .

You can easily predict my next question, right? “Have you asked?”

“No.”

“Do you want to ask?”

“I think I do.”

Yes!

So, this is just the first part of the story. I’m not yet sure how it played out. I cannot wait to know! We will still have more work to do with both this leader and this employee. AND, we had a breakthrough.

What did we learn? We learned that we cannot assume what is in someone else’s brain or heart. That we cannot assume that others hear us in exactly the way we think we came across. And that questions are the most important part of opening up a conversation and a relationship—oh, and listening to the answers is just as (or more) important. REALLY being sincere in the ask and the listening, seeking to understand will do wonders in creating a path forward.