Lessons in Leadership and Connection: What Horses Taught Me About Relationships

At our recent company retreat, we had the opportunity to spend time with horses—an experience that turned out to be more than just a fun break from the usual routine. The goal was simple: build a relationship with the horse AND as I quickly learned, simple doesn’t always mean easy.

I found myself wishing, just for the afternoon, that horses could talk—maybe even like Mr. Ed. If they could tell us exactly what they were thinking, it would make things so much easier - then again, people can talk, and yet relationships remain complex, full of misunderstandings, missed signals, and assumptions.

Horses communicate almost entirely through body language. If you don’t pay attention to the subtle cues—the shift in their posture, the flick of an ear, the movement of their head—you can completely misread the situation. And that’s exactly what happened to me. I oversimplified the process, assuming that bonding with a horse was as easy as walking alongside them and talking to them. Turns out, it was much more nuanced than that.

I worked with two horses that taught me powerful lessons about relationships:

Ruby – The One Who Controlled Me

Ruby was confident, assertive, and completely in charge of our interaction—I just didn’t realize it at first. She controlled me in a subtle way, walking just one step behind me, dictating the pace, choosing which side to walk on, and always making me turn back to check in with her. I thought I was leading, but really, I was following her rhythm.

Daisy – The One Who Wanted to Be Controlled

Daisy was the opposite—she did whatever I asked of her. As I walked, she followed right at my side, keeping perfect pace. The one time she stopped, all it took was a simple glance from me, and she immediately fell back in line. No raised voice, no big gestures—just quiet obedience. I quickly realized that obedience doesn’t equate to a real relationship. She followed because she was conditioned to, not because we had built a connection.

Both interactions made me reflect on how we navigate relationships in the workplace and in life. Just like with horses, we often misread the non-verbal cues of those around us. We assume that just because we’re communicating, we’re being understood. We overestimate the strength of our connections and slide into our own comfort zones.

Some people, like Ruby, naturally take control, and if we’re not aware, we might let them steer our interactions without realizing it. Others, like Daisy, seek direction and structure, and if we fail to provide it, they may feel uncertain or lost. The key is awareness—taking the time to read the signals, adjust our approach, and meet people where they are, not just where we assume they should be. It truly is a prioritization of the relationship and understanding them.

Horses may not speak our language, but they have a lot to teach us about connection, leadership, and the power of unspoken communication. And maybe, just maybe, if we listen carefully enough, we’ll realize that people are often communicating in the same quiet ways—we just must be willing to notice.